*DISCLAIMER: This blog is 100% truth except for the parts I made up

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Only One

Oh my goodness gracious it's Christmas break! And oh my goodness gracious Christmas is in 6 days! And oh my goodness gracious it doesn't feel anything like Christmas! I haven't bought a single Christmas gift (actually that's a lie. I bought one. And one white elephant gift.), I haven't watched any Christmas movies (actually that's a lie too. I watched two. And a half. But the half doesn't really count since I watched it in November.), and I have a mountain of homework instead of a mountain of snow.

(I just remembered, I also made one Christmas present. but I didn't pay for it, my mutti did.)

You see, here's my problem: I missed a bunch of school right before Christmas break so now it's a mad dash to get all of my make up work done on top of my for reals homework.

I read something once... And the author was wondering if maybe she was the only one in the world, and everything that has ever existed exists to somehow influence her life and what if all of the six billion people on the planet are just make believe unless she has some sort of connection with them, but she was the only real livingfeelingthinkingbreathing person out there. And she felt lonely. Because it's lonely to be the only one.

I have never thought this.

I think things like: There are six billion people out there carrying on with their lives and suffering and bleeding and hurting and loving and laughing and crying and talking about trivial things and winning the lottery and dropping pennies and wishing and wanting and hoping and dreaming and getting married and having babies and growing old and celebrating and smiling and singing and laughing and playing and dancing and not dancing or singing because as sad as it is there are people out there who don't do these things and wearing weird clothes and some wearing perfectly normal clothes and even remarkably stylish clothes and they're working and going to school and sleeping and eating and thinking and feeling and breathing and they have no idea that some 15 year old girl in Utah is wondering what their names are and who they are and what they're feeling. In fact, they are entirely oblivious to the fact that I even exist. I'm just part of that six billion.

Doesn't that make you feel so small and insignificant?

But then I also think that they all love and want to be loved, and everyone has the same basic needs and desires and I imagine them living their everyday lives that aren't that different from mine and I feel very close and connected to every single person on this planet, even though I don't know more than a very small handfull of people.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one out there, aren't you?

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