The Only One

Oh my goodness gracious it's Christmas break! And oh my goodness gracious Christmas is in 6 days! And oh my goodness gracious it doesn't feel anything like Christmas! I haven't bought a single Christmas gift (actually that's a lie. I bought one. And one white elephant gift.), I haven't watched any Christmas movies (actually that's a lie too. I watched two. And a half. But the half doesn't really count since I watched it in November.), and I have a mountain of homework instead of a mountain of snow.

(I just remembered, I also made one Christmas present. but I didn't pay for it, my mutti did.)

You see, here's my problem: I missed a bunch of school right before Christmas break so now it's a mad dash to get all of my make up work done on top of my for reals homework.

I read something once... And the author was wondering if maybe she was the only one in the world, and everything that has ever existed exists to somehow influence her life and what if all of the six billion people on the planet are just make believe unless she has some sort of connection with them, but she was the only real livingfeelingthinkingbreathing person out there. And she felt lonely. Because it's lonely to be the only one.

I have never thought this.

I think things like: There are six billion people out there carrying on with their lives and suffering and bleeding and hurting and loving and laughing and crying and talking about trivial things and winning the lottery and dropping pennies and wishing and wanting and hoping and dreaming and getting married and having babies and growing old and celebrating and smiling and singing and laughing and playing and dancing and not dancing or singing because as sad as it is there are people out there who don't do these things and wearing weird clothes and some wearing perfectly normal clothes and even remarkably stylish clothes and they're working and going to school and sleeping and eating and thinking and feeling and breathing and they have no idea that some 15 year old girl in Utah is wondering what their names are and who they are and what they're feeling. In fact, they are entirely oblivious to the fact that I even exist. I'm just part of that six billion.

Doesn't that make you feel so small and insignificant?

But then I also think that they all love and want to be loved, and everyone has the same basic needs and desires and I imagine them living their everyday lives that aren't that different from mine and I feel very close and connected to every single person on this planet, even though I don't know more than a very small handfull of people.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one out there, aren't you?

Hi.

You know what really bothers me? When people don't say hi. Or they don't even have to say hi, but they could at least acknowledge your presence. Just a smile. Eye contact. Let you know that they know you're there. That you aren't invisible.

Like today, I was walking to my computer tech class when I walked past a girl I know. I wouldn't really say we're friends, but I know her name, and she knows mine. We've had a few classes and conversations together. As I walked past I looked at her and smiled, but instead of smiling back she looked away. Sad.

But then I passed someone else I know as I walked into the classroom and he smiled. And waved. And said "Hi Dani."

I love it when that happens.

Here's To You

Her name was Kelsy and she cared. Se cared enough to stop, to ask. She cared enough to take time away from her own drama, from her own problems, from her own stress and tears and heartache. She cared enough to help a stranger. To talk to a girl she didn't know, that she had never seen before. She lit up the day and touched the heart of the stranger and all who saw her kind deed.

Here's to you Kelsy.