everything's gonna be alright

dark room full of people, and lights flashing on the walls, the ceiling, people's faces. everyone is laughing, singing, dancing along with the music but i can't seem to say anything. so i stand awkwardly, too far away from you. i don't speak, you don't speak and we wait in silence until i am dragged away. i'm scared to make the first move, but scared that you won't, and i wish i could know what you're thinking.

how is it that you can be disappointed even if you have very low expectations?

but then i turn, you smile, you speak, we dance, we talk, we laugh, we hug, and when you walk away, i'm still smiling.

my first kiss

so why the fetch is this underlined huh? huh? does anyone know why? jerk!

well once upon a time there was this girl who had a blog. and she felt kind of bad because she never posted ever ever ever. so she decided to post even though she had nothing to say and no one probably read her blog anyways.

so here's my post.

time is pretty weird, don't you think? when you're little it takes forever. an hour took forever, a week was a lifetime, and anything longer than that... but the older i get, the faster time goes.

especially when i don't want it to.

like christmas break. i was pretty dang excited cuz it's a pretty long break, but now it's almost over. it kind of sucks.

everytime it rains

charlotte martin

and i have a disgusting amount of homework that i need to do too.

"Always do what you are afraid to do."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Only One

Oh my goodness gracious it's Christmas break! And oh my goodness gracious Christmas is in 6 days! And oh my goodness gracious it doesn't feel anything like Christmas! I haven't bought a single Christmas gift (actually that's a lie. I bought one. And one white elephant gift.), I haven't watched any Christmas movies (actually that's a lie too. I watched two. And a half. But the half doesn't really count since I watched it in November.), and I have a mountain of homework instead of a mountain of snow.

(I just remembered, I also made one Christmas present. but I didn't pay for it, my mutti did.)

You see, here's my problem: I missed a bunch of school right before Christmas break so now it's a mad dash to get all of my make up work done on top of my for reals homework.

I read something once... And the author was wondering if maybe she was the only one in the world, and everything that has ever existed exists to somehow influence her life and what if all of the six billion people on the planet are just make believe unless she has some sort of connection with them, but she was the only real livingfeelingthinkingbreathing person out there. And she felt lonely. Because it's lonely to be the only one.

I have never thought this.

I think things like: There are six billion people out there carrying on with their lives and suffering and bleeding and hurting and loving and laughing and crying and talking about trivial things and winning the lottery and dropping pennies and wishing and wanting and hoping and dreaming and getting married and having babies and growing old and celebrating and smiling and singing and laughing and playing and dancing and not dancing or singing because as sad as it is there are people out there who don't do these things and wearing weird clothes and some wearing perfectly normal clothes and even remarkably stylish clothes and they're working and going to school and sleeping and eating and thinking and feeling and breathing and they have no idea that some 15 year old girl in Utah is wondering what their names are and who they are and what they're feeling. In fact, they are entirely oblivious to the fact that I even exist. I'm just part of that six billion.

Doesn't that make you feel so small and insignificant?

But then I also think that they all love and want to be loved, and everyone has the same basic needs and desires and I imagine them living their everyday lives that aren't that different from mine and I feel very close and connected to every single person on this planet, even though I don't know more than a very small handfull of people.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one out there, aren't you?

I'm not very good at giving up.

Not about things I care about anyways. I say I'm giving up. And I pretend to give up. But in the dark, to myself, I have a hard time letting go of things sometimes.

Because I'm crazy? Yeah.

Because I'm setting myself up for more disappointment? Yeah.

Because it would be a stupid thing to do? Yeah. I'm good at doing those stupid things sometimes.

Because I'm a secretly a dreamer? Yeah.

Because I might still believe in fairytales? Maybe.

Because I still want a fairytale. Definitely.

Here's a song for you.

DREAMER

Kari Kimmel

Why can't we be friends?

Do you wanna know what I just don't get? Why can't everyone just get along? Why can't we just be kind and friendly and loving to everyone? Why do people have to be so dang judgemental and intolerant? I just don't get it! Really I know some people who are just champion at this whole stereotyping thing. They seem to think that they can tell everything about someone by their appearance: their personality, values, thoughts, dreams, wishes, ambitions, or lack thereof. And man, if your appearance doesn't measure up, you lose all credit in their eyes. If your clothes are ugly, if your hair is weird, if you wear too much makeup or not enough makeup or are too tall or too short or too nerdy or too good at sports or in any way, shape, or form different, people judge you. If you have different beliefs or were raised differently, people judge you. Label you. Stereotype you.

Really people, let's just be friends.